ASK THE COYDOG?

A reader wrote in that they would like a ask the coydog section. This is for those difficult questions in life. Now I take no responsibility for any of my advice that you may use. I mean, come on. I don't take resposabillaty for my own actions why should I take any for yours? Ok here is the BIG Q.

Q; "Dear Coydog, how do I tell a friend that his buying a cherry red convertible is creeping me out?".
A;Well there are many options here. Your question asked how do" I "tell a friend.
Well if it were me. Option 1) What the fuck? Are you going to start driving it around school yards with a big bag of open candy on the front seat also?
A: option 2) It's ok to have a small penis , But there is no reason to draw attention to it.
A: option 3) You will never be Steve McQeen or the guy in American beauty for that matter. Stop trying and do something worth while with the money. Send it to Sally
struthers so she can feed some kids. Oh a side note shouldn't we have a skinny spokes person for save the children? Like Mick Jagger. Now he looks like he needs some food.
A: option D) who cares let it roll ,we aren't the type to judge others and there short comings. Or are we?